one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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