He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
