sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
