Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
