Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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