he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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