my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
