it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
