I'm gonna have a badass scar
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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