I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
