Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
