Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
