cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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