you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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