Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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