They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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