I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
