my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
