I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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