how can u be prego again
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
