I think I am morally bankrupt
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
