I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
