My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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