He is like the real live version of the state fair..
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
