Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
