my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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