Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
