I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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