I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
