3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
