grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
