I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
