sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
