I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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