3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
