Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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