i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
