I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
