Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
