he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
