kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
