It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
