She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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