Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We need a shit load of segways right now
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
