Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
