i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
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