I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
