He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
