I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
