you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
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