She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My feet surprised me
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
