i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
