He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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