3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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